Impress a Rock Critic. Buy a Maserati.

"...the band understands a very basic equation: as long as they make everyone money, they will be allowed to do whatever they want."
-Chuck Klosterman

Finally... a reason for me to chuck that U2 album I never really liked.

Yes, the band in question is U2. This band labeled as "classic" and "refreshing" and god forbid, "indie" never so much as piqued my interest. You see, I like U2 about as much as Bill O'Reilly likes Marilyn Manson. For as many years as I've systematically analyzed music beyond it's initial appeal, I've choked down every song off "How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" and enjoyed it about as much as I would've enjoyed reading about how to literally dismantle an atomic bomb. The only difference? Had I read about how to dismantle such a bomb, I might've been able to contribute somehow to society instead of sitting around listening to this excruciatingly boring album. I'll admit it. I'm guilty. I never liked U2.

Please don't kill me.

Somehow a rock enthusiast saying that they don't enjoy U2 is a bit like a drummer saying they don't like the sound of a dry hand-hammered K custom ride cymbal for jazz performance... Anyone? Oh dear, it seems I've lost a reader or two. Maybe it's like a chef saying they don't like eating... or like a christian saying they despise Jesus's disciples.

On the other hand, I absolutely love Bono.

Bono isn't like the frontman of any other band. Most bands consider themselves completely legit because they live for nothing but the music they make. These frontmen are only concerned with the music, and whatever may happen to their popularity is only based on the people's complete love and devotion to the sounds that the band makes. Bono, however, makes the music he wants only because he has concerned himself entirely with the band's self image. As Chuck would describe, he's a charismatic salesman in a rocker's body. He can make himself as excited about the band making an apple commercial (they're big fans of the company) as he is about his red campaign for gap or about all the progress he's helped make in Africa. He absolutely LOVES being interviewed because he loves to talk, especially about himself, and he does nice things around reporters just for the sake of them seeing him do nice things.

On another note, Chuck does not like Ireland.

But it was while in Ireland that Chuck interviewed Bono about his band's new album, his newest campaigns for changing the world, and about all those things that only Bono could do. Bono took chuck for a ride in his Quattroporte Maserati (it only means four door, and it was when Bono made this joke that Chuck labled him once and for all, an elitist.) Good deed #1 for Bono during this interview... check. As if this wasn't lovely for the interviewer and interviewee, Bono stopped his Quattroporte to pick up four pale Belgian teenagers and gave them a lift to see his very own studio. Good deed #2... check. I believe he was on a roll.

Chuck must've seen this too, because he began to question "does he just do things like this all the time? Is it to suck up to an interviewer? Oh god... is Bono trying to impress me?"
I then questioned "Was this ride in Bono's Quattroporte the best day of those four teenagers' lives? Or was it the best day Chuck himself ever had?"

Conclusion: Chuck must really love this band. Or maybe it's only the car.